Friday, October 5, 2007

Feeling Overwhelmed

Tonight, I feel overwhelmed.

I used to feel busy before I became a mother. But I didn't realize the freedom that I had. To read a book cover-to-cover. To dedicate myself to a project completely without stopping. To sit down and write with a cup of tea and my laptop without interruption. It all seems so foreign now.

My life is much too unpredictable now for such luxuries. I might make plans, but they are likely to be postponed or delayed by an unexpectedly sick baby, a night of teething, a particularly clingy stage, or a plea for playtime.

Sometimes I wonder how I will ever make room for all of the things that I want to do. I start to panic. I think of my dreams - the Ph.D., the best-selling book I'm supposed to write, the 5K race that I'm going to train for, the magazine queries that lay neglected on virtual shelves. I'm getting old, I tell myself.

Then, I suddenly realize that I'm only 25 and that there is a beautiful reason for my crazy life. I realize how good I have it. I realize that I would never go back to that life of lazy "frills" - not if I had to forfeit that irresistible smile, that gurgling giggle, those open-mouthed kisses, and that incredible personality that comes out more every day.

Not a chance. I'll keep my charmed life and the cherished people that feel it.


Melissa Garrett said...

I know exactly how you feel. I became a mother at 21, had my second baby at 24, and my third at 27. I can't remember having ever done anything just for me. I said to my husband last night, "there was a time, before kids, when I ran five miles a day." Stuff like that is almost impossible now. It takes me an eternity to finish a novel, because I spend a good hour each night reading books with pictures and chapter books. My house is dirty and cluttered, so unlike my house before kids. Sleeping until 7AM on the weekend is considered "sleeping in." I am happy if I can enjoy one cup of coffee without interruption. I would LOVE to crank out at least three articles for query each month, but I am lucky to complete one.

But Friend, I hear ya when you say you wouldn't have it any other way. :-) Enjoy your little one as much as you can because, trust me, the time goes by too quickly.

Anonymous said...

I'm on the other side of motherhood. I've enjoyed raising my six kids, and all the joys and heartaches it brings. My last child is a senior in highschool now and I find that I have a little more time to read books (and finish them), to meet friends for lunch, to shop for myself...I wouldn't trade my years with my children, but I am now enjoying the other side. God planned it well!

Anonymous said...

I know all these comments were written last year, but thank you guys so much. I have a toddler and I feel every bit of what you wrote about. Forget reading books, watching a movie from start to finish, sleeping in late or hanging out with friends. I work full time and my husband has a busy schedule... so sometimes I feel overwhelmed. I just realized that I have to take it one day at a time and appreciate my time with my child while she is young. I would not trade it for the world. Motherhood is very trying but also very rewarding. So for all those mothers out there feeling overwhelmed - you are not alone; keep trucking :)

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